It’s Monday, February 13th, 2017…but before we begin, borrowing from the title of an old feature in MAD magazine, The Daily Gouge presents Snappy Comebacks to Prematurely Snarky, Stupid Comments, courtesy today of an attempt at humor in reaction to the 9th Circuit Court’s predictably erroneous ruling by a person without a humorous bone in her bloated body…

…along with the snappy comebacks of two obviously misogynistic racists:

Hilly, don’t quit your day job; not that you’ve ever actually had a job…at least not a real one!

And since we’re on the subject of Liberal lies and hypocrisy, what’s wrong with this headline?

Reverse Tea Party? Republican officials facing more protests across country

You got it: never have we ever witnessed organized masses of Tea Partiers attempting to verbally drown out the opposition, let alone physically preventing them the opportunity to voice their opinion.  This is a phenomenon peculiar to Progressives.

Now, here’s The Gouge!

First up, writing at NRO, David Harsanyi highlights the best possible scenario for the GOP in 2020:

Elizabeth Warren for President

The progressive Massachusetts senator’s becoming the voice of the Left might be the best-case scenario for Republicans.

You have to marvel at the chutzpah of an individual who demonstrably lied about their ethnic heritage for personal gain and career advancement spreading innuendos of racism about others.

“First of all, despite the martyr act, no one has the power to silence Senator Elizabeth Warren. And that’s a good thing. On the other hand, the impulse to silence Warren is completely rational, and it has nothing to do with her gender, ancestry, or ideology. It has everything to do with her sanctimonious lecturing, habitual dishonesty, and disregard for norms. She’s been a bully her entire career.

But when Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell invoked Rule 19, which prohibits all members from taking to the floor and “directly or indirectly, by any form of words impute to another Senator or to other Senators any conduct or motive unworthy or unbecoming a Senator,” I assumed it was a failure in the optics department (not to mention an arbitrary, speech-inhibiting rule that should not be used, but that’s another story).

Shutting down a female senator while she’s reading a letter from civil-rights icon Coretta Scott King is a bit on the nose, even for the Republican party. McConnell mansplained: “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” The incident was transformed into Twitter hashtags #LetLizSpeak and the less catchy #ShePersisted. Both went viral, instilling millions of Democrats with a new sense of purpose. Hashtags are greater than voting.

It seemed pretty obvious to me that the nomination of Senator Jeff Sessions as attorney general was likely a done deal. So it was unlikely any persuadable voter would have even heard about Warren’s grandstanding if it weren’t for the kerfuffle. If it were up to me, however, I’d let Warren speak whenever she wants, for as long as she wants, on any stage she demands — ceding my time, if necessary. The more she speaks, the better for conservatives.

As the Washington Post points out, however, McConnell probably gave Warren’s 2020 presidential aspirations a huge “in-kind contribution” by forcing her to follow rules of decorum. It’s possible, I suppose, that the GOP is playing the same 3-D chess game mastered by President Donald Trump. Maybe shutting down Warren was a surreptitious means of making her the de facto voice of the Democratic party and #TheResistance (formerly known as “unprecedented obstructionism”). Maybe it was just good luck.

Warren as the voice of the Left might be the best-case scenario for Republicans. For one thing, she is no Barack Obama on the charisma front. For another, she saves conservatives the trouble of going after socialist straw men. They’ll have a real one…”

Here’s the juice:

No, we don’t subscribe to the theory the American electorate will be so angry and disenchanted after four years of The Donald they’ll consider Warren as a viable alternative to anyone other than Satan himself.  We’re of the mind Republicans should hope and pray Fauxcahontas is at the top of the 2020 Dimocratic ticket.

Besides, Satan’s already had…

…two losing runs at the Oval Office; though he did…

…apparently hedge his bets!

Next up, further evidence of another drastic difference between The Left and The Right: those on the correct side of history and the truth never shy from calling out their candidates when they’re wrong.  And this, in our humble opinion, is a lulu:

Trump tells Chinese president US will honor ‘one China’ policy

To quote a line from National Treasure:

So much for an end to America’s kowtowing to the ChiComs, the poisoned fruit of a “one China” tree planted by none other than…

…the second-worst President in our nation’s history; need we say more?!?

And in the Serendipity Segment, brought to us today by the WSJ, we learn…

Mike Flynn’s Position Grows Tenuous in White House

Administration weighs whether to retain the security adviser after disclosure of contact with Russia officials

Flynn is far from the fool the MSM would seek portray him; but his self-inflicted wounds are further evidence one should never look a gift horse in the mouth. 

Then there’s this rather interesting item in today’s Muslim Minute:

Fourth Muslim group rejects federal grant to fight extremism

“A California Islamic school wanted to keep an open mind before Donald Trump took office. But less than a month into Trump’s presidency, the school rejected $800,000 in federal funds aimed at combatting violent extremism.

The decision made late Friday night by the Bayan Claremont graduate school’s board to turn down the money — an amount that would cover more than half its yearly budget — capped weeks of sleepless nights and debate. Many there felt Trump’s rhetoric singling out Islamic extremism and his travel ban affecting predominantly Muslim countries had gone too far.

It also marked the fourth organization nationwide under the Trump administration to reject the money for a program created under President Barack Obama known as countering violent extremism, or CVE, which officials say aims to thwart extremist groups’ abilities to recruit would-be terrorists.

Bayan Claremont had received the second-largest grant, among the first 31 federal grants for CVE awarded to organizations, schools and municipalities in the dwindling days of the Obama administration. The school had hoped to use the money to help create a new generation of Muslim community leaders, with $250,000 earmarked for more than a dozen local nonprofits doing social justice work…”

Sorry, but are we the only one who believes this money might as well just be…

…along with…

Next you’re going to tell us…

…or that Israel, by exercising its undeniable right to self-defense is inexplicably the…

 …bad guy is the sordid Middle East scenario.  Sorry, we’d sooner believe Bill’s extracurricular activities in the Oval Office…

..didn’t constitute sexual relations.

Which brings us to The Lighter Side…

Finally, we’ll call it a day with the Sports Section, as Newsbusters.org‘s Jay Maxson reveals the truth behind yet another series of politically-correct lies:

Sour Grapes Michael Sam Tells Bitter Sob Story

No, he was given a chance to prove what he might be able to do…and released when he proved what he couldn’t do!

“Queue up the sappy violin music that usually accompanies left-stream media sob stories.  As the Albany Times-Union tells us, it was three years ago today that former University of Missouri football player Michael Sam “came out to the world.” Hauling himself and a huge chip on his shoulder up to speak before a few hundred students at the University of Albany Tuesday as part of “Sexuality Month” activities (take that, NY taxpayers!), he blamed others for his failure to make it in pro football. 

Sam said he “always felt like an outsider” and felt “apart from his peers” because two older brothers died, he was bullied by other family members and because of his mother’s Jehovah’s Witness religion. “I had to prove myself, to show that I was one of the guys,” said Sam, who was just one of the guys – in the sense that he was a good college player and nothing more.

Propped up by The New York Times as more talented than he was, and immediately celebrated by those trying to impose the homosexual agenda on a sports fandom that just isn’t too interested, Sam said he expected to be drafted somewhere in the first three rounds of the NFL draft. But the pro teams knew better, and he went to the Rams in the seventh and final round. He turned off a lot of people that night by kissing his boyfriend on national television. “Should I have kissed a girl? The media made it a distraction.”

No, sir. You – with help from ESPN and others – turned the entire NFL draft into a media distraction. You came out before the draft, ensuring that you wouldn’t be judged on your modest football talents but on your fashionable victim status.

But let’s move on to Sam’s next in a litany of complaints. Which the Times-Union allowed to slide by with the usual minimum fact-checking. In the preseason, “I was cut from the Rams, even though I was in the top five in sacks,” said a befuddled Sour Grapes Sam.

Yes, sacks against other scrubs playing in meaningless preseason scrimmages. He wasn’t up against pro-bowlers, and nobody mistook him for Lawrence Taylor or Von Miller out there. He was playing against some guys who are probably selling used cars today because they, like him, just weren’t that good.

Then Sam complained that he went to the Cowboys and had to prove himself all over again. Gee, Michael, do you think Tom Brady – also a seventh-round draft pick – didn’t have to prove himself as a rookie? “And then I was cut there. I always felt like an outsider looking in.” (Does anyone else detect a recurring theme in Sam’s whining?)

Again, he leaves out a tiny bit of important information. He was a practice player in Dallas, one of the here-today-gone-tomorrow guys. You can bet if he really had game, the Cowboys would have put him on the actual team roster.

Move it along up north to Montreal. Sam stayed around just long enough to get into one game with the CFL’s Alouettes before leaving of his own accord for personal reasons. No one from the team showed him the door. That was the end of the football version of Moonlight Graham, the one-game wonder of Field of Dreams fame.

Now let’s go to the NFL scouts who rate the prospects for a living. They said Sam lacked three small components, the size, speed and agility to play linebacker in the big leagues. (Other than that, he was incredible!) (Yeah, and other than that, how’d you enjoy the play, Mrs. Lincoln?!?) Those determinants drove down his stock going into the NFL draft. Yet, as Newsbusters previously reported, the NFL called several teams, urging them to sign Sam after the Rams cut him, to prevent a media/PR backlash.

There never was any bigotry involved in Sam’s unrealized pro career. In major league sports, you either can play or you can’t. Not even ESPN, the NYT or the Human Rights Campaign can apply enough pressure to hand you a position on a pro football team if you haven’t earned it on the field.  

That fact, along with Sam’s decision to walk away from the game, is the real reason why he is a self-described motivational speaker today, urging others to be true to themselves. Come on, Michael, give it up! First you need to be honest yourself. And while we’re at it, Albany Times-Union, your so-called writers and editors can give it up as well.

America just doesn’t care that there was once a good college football player who announced he was homosexual, got drafted in the last round and flunked out of pro football. If you’re going to be the “gay Jackie Robinson,” you might want to put some semblance of a pro career with it.

Not to mention Jackie Robinson’s grit and determination…in addition to his talent; not to mention the reality of his cause.

Magoo